Except we just made it really vulgar! Hey, I’m Guy Branum and this is Bar Talk at JFL. What are you gonna do? [♫ Funky Theme Music ♫] Hey guys, I’m here at JFL Bar Talk with Vir Das, who’s an amazing comedian but also has a rich background
in the world of Bollywood. (Vir) I do.
(Guy) And he has been kind enough to offer (after I demanded) to teach me some Bollywood moves. (Vir) Okay, I’m gonna teach you one move.
(Guy) Okay. This is the male move.
(Guy) Alright. Now what I want you to picture is You’re on a beach.
(Guy) Yeah. Alright. Your shirt is open.
(Guy) Yeah. There’s five fans pointed at you.
(Guy) Yes. (Vir) Your shirt is like flapping in the wind and shit. (Guy) Where’s Shilpa Shetty?
(Vir) Huh? Where around me is Shilpa Shetty? (Vir) She’s like a mile away.
(Guy) Okay. (Vir) Right, now–
(Guy) She’s item-girling over there. (Vir) Right, now you need to get her
to run towards you. (Guy) Yes. Okay. (Vir) Which means you need to give her
the signal that “Yo — it’s on!” (Guy) Alright…
(Vir) Alright, cool. She will turn away then, what you’re gonna do is,
this hand, is gonna come in like that
(Guy) Uh-huh. (Vir) and then like reach out to her
(Guy) Alright. and this hand is gonna do that and the chest rises, and then you make direct eye contact with whoever you’re picturing at that end.
(Guy) Okay. So it’s kind of like this: you go (Guy) Alright. And then the girl runs towards
you in slow motion. (Guy) Okay. (Vir) Ready? (Guy) Yeah. (Vir) Okay, cool. (Vir) I feel like a pigeon might land on … (Guy) No, would you like to know what my
favorite thing in Bollywood movies is? It’s when the guy is holding the girl
(Vir) Yeah. and he shoves his shoulder forward
and hers goes back, do you know that one?
(Vir) Yeah, actually it’s like… (Guy) Unh … unh! (Vir) Except we just made it really vulgar,
I don’t know why. (Guy) We made it very vulgar, because I’m a vulgar human being.
(Vir) So am I. [♫ Funky Theme Music ♫] (Guy) Okay, here’s a question for you: If you were not a very-successful-stand-up-comedian, what do you think you would be doing with your life? If your life had taken another path,
what would you be doing? I would be a … a gardener. (Guy) Really? (Vir) Yeah. (Guy) Really? (Vir) Yeah. (Guy) You would just be happy being at one with the earth like that? (Vir) Yeah, but like a gardener in the UK. I don’t want to be like a gardener
in the US, that sucks. And a gardener in India — just no.
Because it’s too hot outside. (Guy) One of those beautiful English gardens,
with the overgrown willow trees, and like a little pond. (Vir) And like a pig somewhere,
and like a donkey somewhere … like a farm, you know what I mean? (Guy) That’s beautiful. Now… (Vir) And because I’m Indian, I like the fact
that I took it back from an Englishman. [Guy laughs] (Guy) It’s counter-colonialism.
(Vir) Yeah. (Guy) That makes sense.
But I have to ask you, You’re very successful in India,
do you look to — Okay. Priyanka Chopra pulled it off, alright? She started out: Dostana, Fashion, she was throwing Bollywood rom-coms at you, Now she’s in Baywatch,
she’s got TV shows in America, what is your plan to ‘Priyanka Chopra’? What is your plan to, like, make
Vir Das a household name in America? (Vir) So. I mean look. She’s kind of the gatekeeper, right? She opened up the gates for all of us. She’s a beautiful woman. (Guy) She is. I’m neither one of those things! (Guy) But do you think if you just
got yourself a layered haircut, something that would, like, move in the winds, then you could maybe have a similar dynamic? Maybe I’ll marry a Jonas. Is there a Jonas Sister that I can marry? (Guy) There’s another brother, and it IS now legal to do that in the United States. (Vir) I know.
(Guy) But I think not so much in India. I’d like a Jonas Sister, if there’s a Jonas Sister. I’m sorry to my wife, by the way. If you’re watching this Shivani, I love you. But no. I will leave you for a
Jonas Sister if that ever happens. [♫ Funky Theme Music ♫] That’s it, that’s Bar Talk at JFL. It’s over now. You can return to the other parts of the internet. Go watch porn. Go argue about politics. Buy some cryptocurrency. Whatever you want to do.