WOOD: Back in 2010,
Michelle Obama took her biceps and broccoli
and did something unforgivable. I am thrilled to be here
with all of you today as my husband signs the Healthy,
Hunger-Free Kids Act into law. This act changed the guidelines
for school lunches, forcing innocent children
to eat more nutritious meals. And they were not happy. REPORTER: Angry students are
tweeting out cell phone snaps of their school lunches.
the Trump administration has finally done something
right. They’re making school lunches
greasy again. You gonna finish that, playa?
Let me get all this. A bunch of kids talked to me
about how they didn’t like their school… meals anymore. We can make school lunches great
again. REPORTER: Which means things
like flavored chocolate milk will be back on the menu. WOOD: That’s right.
In a bizarre twist, Trump is, for once, the hero. His administration changed
nutritious back to delicious, and all is right
with the world again. But there’s one flavor hater trying to roll back
the rollbacks. Meet Margo Wootan, the vice president
for nutrition at the Center for Science
in the Public Interest. She’s also worked
with the Obamas on the Healthy,
Hunger-Free Kids Act. Explain yourself, Margo. Why are you taking good food
away from the kids? We give kids choices, but all those choices need
to be healthy. Then that’s not a choice. If a dude came up to me
and said, “Hey, do you want
to be punched in the face or kicked in the face?” I would say, “I do not like
either of those choices.” Food can be delicious
and still be healthy. Just come over to my house
for dinner. I’ll show you. Mm-mm. I’ve seen Get Out. When I was a kid,
we had perfectly healthy school lunches like this,
and I turned out fine. So what exactly
are they changing in the menu? Switching from fatty meats
to leaner proteins. Taking out the saturated fat, the trans, and bringing down
the salt levels to… You are a monster! That’s not what you do to kids! The food is supposed
to be tasty and terrible and it’s supposed
to make you fall asleep in Ms. Orman’s biology class
in fifth period! Actually, it’s supposed
to help you learn, -not make them fall asleep.
-Why would you do that? Why would you do that?
What’s next? -You gonna take recess away?
-We love recess. Why don’t you take away
playing cards in the bathroom for five dollars a hand. This was outrageous.
What has Obama’s school lunch ever done for anybody? Childhood obesity will decrease by two million kids, and we’ll save $800 million
in health care costs. That don’t even sound
like real numbers. Where’d you get that data? From Harvard. A dude named Harvard? Harvard School of Public Health. -Oh. Harvard-Harvard.
-Harvard University. Okay, okay. My bad.
It’s just I know– I know a dude named Harvard.
He be lying sometimes. And Margo
was just getting started. Three-quarters of the kids
who get the school lunch come from low-income families, and their kids really rely
on these meals as an important source
of nutrition. Okay, that’s bad. But how much nutrition
are they actually losing? So, we have two school lunches. We have a whole grain bun
versus a white flour bun, but we have carrots here and we have
salty French fries here, because Trump
is letting in more salt than was supposed to be. Ain’t nothing wrong
with a couple fries. They potatoes. They grow in the
ground, just like a damn carrot. -Mm.
-More salt in kids’ diets means higher blood pressure
in childhood, which leads to hypertension, -stroke, heart disease,
-(heart beating) heart attacks. This really can have
a big impact on children’s long-term health. ♪ ♪ Somebody’s got to go save
the kids! If the government is going
to keep putting politics before kids’ health,
then it’s up to me to infiltrate
every school cafeteria and change their eating habits. (blowing whistle) Listen up, you maggots! I’ve been watching you kids
secretly. Uh, not watching you,
like-like– Watching you eat.
I’ve been watching your diet. I’ve been watching your diet, and I don’t like
what I’ve been seeing! So I am here
to change your lives! (indistinct chatter) Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. These kids were out of control. Looks like it’s time for them
to meet Sergeant Tough Love. Hoo-ha-rah. Are you crazy? You know how many calories is
in that slice of pizza?! You don’t know!
You don’t know nothing! Look at me
when I’m talking to you! Don’t look at me! Do you know everything
about nutrition? I know nutrition. These kids need to be whipped
into shape. (indistinct chatter) Applesauce. No good food goes to waste
on my watch. This is for your own good! Now, everybody come over here and get an applesauce
and a carrot! Dip the carrot
in the applesauce! These kids were in a food coma. It was time to wake them up. All right, listen up, everybody. I know hamburgers taste good and pizza
and Baconators from Wendy’s with extra cheese. I want one right now. That’s not the point!
The point is this administration
is feeding us junk food to keep us lazy, fat,
and complacent so that they can get away
with whatever they want! So it’s time that we show
the government we will not go quietly
into that tub of butter! Nutrition now,
nutrition tomorrow, nutrition forever! Now, who’s with me? -(shouting)
-Really? (blowing whistle feebly) Taking fire. Taking fire.
Taking enemy fire. If throwing their junk food
at me kept them from eating it, then I’ve done my job. ♪ ♪ Mission accomplished. (cheering and applause)