Taking kids to a restaurant – bad idea  | DAD RANT

Taking kids to a restaurant – bad idea | DAD RANT

G’Day, I’m a Dad, um, I’m about to rant. This is a Dad Rant. Ah this is targeted to all you restaurant
owners, restaurant workers, waiters, cafe people….usually I write down notes for these
little Dad Rant things right, and I check over here that I’m saying the right bits and
pieces but no, today, I’m that ‘Arghhh’ that I’m just going to freestyle. Ok, we’re doing some Eminem freestyle. Right, check it, let’s hit it. So I had to take the kids, I was put in the
awkward position, that no parent wants to be put in, but I had to take the kids to a
restaurant for dinner. It’s a stressful time right? So I’ve done the classic ‘Ok’ You know, outside
the front door ‘We’re going to a restaurant, you got to be good, there are other people
there, be quiet, no yelling, no fighting and if you’re good you might get some ice cream’. Cool, kids are calm. Take them into the restaurant, one of them
sees a you know, like a lobster in the live tank, BOOM – the quiet thing is out the door. But then I’ve calmed them down again, I’ve
got them sat at the table, you know I’m all good. And I think, like any other parent with their
head screwed on, that a restaurant would kind of, like, the waiters would be aware that
a family is coming in and they’d have a plan in place. A family is different to dealing with a couple
on a little date. You know they should see them coming straight
away ‘Ok lets get the kids pack’ Which is the little colouring pencil and the
little pad. If you want a 5 star google review restaurants,
have a printed picture of a dog that the kids can colour in. You’ll get a 5 star google review from any
and every parent around the world. And it’ll cost you like, 4 cents to have that. Just chuck the pencils and the paper on the
table and you’ll have calm kids. Cos’ to be honest, look, we want to get in
and out as soon a possible. When you got kids you don’t want to linger. You, you want us in and out as fast as possible. You don’t want this potential bomb of children
to go off inside ya shop ok!? So tip number two, right, we’re there. I don’t know if I did tip number one but I’m
freestyling remember. So the waiter comes in, he’s got like a gallon
of water, plonks it down right in front of the kids. Now, excuse me waiter person, but, you know
those things that are like at car places and they’re like SWOOSH. That is a child’s uncoordinated, developing
limbs. You can’t go plonking a gallon water on the
table in front of this. So put the water in front of the responsible
adults and then we’ll sort out the water. Next annoying thing the waiter does which
you shouldn’t be doing restaurant people. ‘Oh so should I get the table some bread?’ No! Ok, but now that you’ve said it out loud you’ve
created quite a ‘Oh I want bread!’ ‘Oh yeah I want some bread!’ ‘Oh why can she, can I get some bread too!? Why’s she get bread!?’ I haven’t said that I want bread, you’ve just
gone and put words out loud to the potential child explosion of naughtiness. And then I think ,oh yeah, he said it in quite
a nice way, we’re out on a special occasion, yeah I’ll get the bread, must be cheap. Cos he said ,you know, like a throw away ‘Should
I get the table some bread?’ Fast forward an hour and a half, you’ll get
the bill. That little nob of a crust of bread that he
came out with that they toasted and like sliced into four pieces, you’ve got a family of 5! And they’ve just put on a scraping of butter… 18 dollars. 18 dollar nob crust of bread! So ah, tip number, I don’t know what I’m up
to… Don’t offer the table with a family bread. WE DON’T WANT BREAD! Ok, that’s what I’m trying to say, we don’t
want bread. Ah tip number, tip number four. Ah, really annoying when they’ll come out
and…. ‘Ok, so we ready to order?’ YES we’re ready to order, ok, we want some
urgency here ok. Should be coming out ‘Drinks?, cool, you want
to order now?’ Yes, we will. We’ve studied the menu online before arriving
because we want to get in and out as fast as you want us in and out. So be ready to take everyone’s order at once. I want the chicken nuggets and the chips,
I want the fish bites and the chips, I want another chicken nuggets and the chips, I’ll
have the steak and the wife, what do you want? Boom – take it. And then, they’ll make ya blood boil a little
bit more by saying ‘Ok, so I’ll bring out the kids food first
and then…’ No! No. I know that you think that’s a good idea cos’
the kids are like ‘Oh I’m hungry’ but what happens is you bring out the kids food, yeah
that’s cool, they eat, they finish. And then for some reason you’ve all knocked
off and we waited about 40 minutes before our meals came out. And then, we’ve had to keep the kids entertained,
without pieces of paper and crayons. I’ve been trying to make like, paper hats
out of a tiny serviette. I can’t make them, they’re quite hard to do
you’ve got to have tiny little…. Um you know, finally our food arrives right,
our meals come, kids have already eaten. I’m like ‘Oh great babe here it is’
You got this. You’ve got three kids sitting there. Like a hungry Labrador at a table. ‘What’s that? What’s that you’ve got? That looks yum, can I have some?’ Not just one, you’ve got three of them doing
that. ‘Oh can I have some?’ ‘Why she got, I want some!’ ‘Why’s she having some!’ Would have been fine if we had some colouring
pencils. Again, you want a 5 star google review, just
get the pencils. Real cheap. Um, so then we ate, and then um yeah, I think
that’s it, that’s basically it. So, watch your water, ok. Take our orders and get it done as quick as
humanly possible. Have ya colouring in pencils sorted ok! And just have some urgency about ya. Because we want to get in and out! I don’t no how good I am at free, spit balling
these but I’ve done it. That’s no cuts, just first take. I’m sweating. Ah, Dad rant over. If you agree then comment below, if you don’t
then, just write something nice. Or you can go find some funny cats. Cool. This isn’t personal. I like restaurants, kind of. If you could do like an adult colouring in
picture that would be pretty cool too. You can subscribe up here. You can watch another rant down here.

100 thoughts on “Taking kids to a restaurant – bad idea | DAD RANT

  1. Even without kids. I hate when they give you the bill then fuck off for 5 years before asking “do you want to pay?”, ‘no, I though I’d stay at the receipt some more’ allow us to god damn pay along with the bill!

  2. Bad parenting advise (but mine is 18 now and forgives me) take a bag full of "shut-uppers" everywhere you go. I usually went to a dollar store or something similar and every time the little f***er would explode I hand him a throw away toy. Got me through long haul flights and many dinners. Oh that and a hand game computer where life savers.

  3. Tip number 1…. Take your own 'kid's pack'. You know you are going to a restaurant with kids and you know restaurants aren't instant service… take something for them to do with you.

  4. I am in FULL AGREEMENT with you!!! Restaurants need to focus a bit more on families with small children. I would like to go out sometimes with my hubby and 3 kids and enjoy a nice time out, without always having to arrange a babysitter. (Double costs there, ah)
    But anyway, Good rant and keep up the awesome videos. 👍🏽

  5. only reason server should ever offer something like bread at beginning is if its free, otherwise, don't offer. wouldn't give the server a tip if they pulled that.

  6. The coloring page with pencils is a brilliant idea… I'm sure it would help out. The only issue i see is some kids might start just throwing pencils but then again what don't kids try to pick up and throw 😂

  7. I went to a restaurant with my mates last week one of my friends has a one year old son the waitress kept putting all the food over near him he kept going for it then the stupid waitress seeing that he kept going in put a hot mug of coffee near him thank god he's hand and the coffee was moved in time

  8. Love it! From my experience Italian restaurants often seem to be the best chilled with young kids. I’m not a fan of ‘special’ ie. cheap kids menu food. At the cafe I work at we have a huge tub of toys (they do get cleaned regulary) and always make a point of chatting to the children.

  9. hahahaha I agree, but WHY did you have to take the kids? Why not get a babysitter or just get takeout and go home with the food…anything other than sitting down for a meal at a restaurant with kids! lol If we do have to bring the kids to a restaurant for some reason we bring entertainment for them…which works for about 5 mins before they are under the table playing with ice cubes. Yah…just avoid bringing kids to a restaurant….at all cost! PS, why isn't the knob of bread free??

  10. My strategy when mine were little: pack crayons and special books and such which they only got to use or play with at a restaurant or whatever. It helps that I always carry a large handbag, but even a 2000s manbag will do for proactive dads.

  11. My grands always took us to a mom and pop restaurant that had ACTUAL coloring books that all the kids drew in. It was the best thing ever. Also when I was a waitress we gave out free bread and if you didn’t bring out bread then the customers would eat you alive. And you should bring your kids stuff to do like restaurants aren’t daycares it’s not their job to entertain them. THEY SELL FOOD.

  12. Ja man, i hate it when they want bring the kids meals first. But restaurants so that for the sole purpose that your kids will nag you for your food or more food and then just to shut them up you order them some icecream.
    I worked in a restaurant and we were actually taught to take orders like that.
    But we never served bread lol.

  13. If we were naughty we just got a look from our parents and then we had to wait until we got home in order to receive our hidings.

  14. 💯% FACTS🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 I wast even there with you!!!! And I’m soo freaking pissed 😤 😤😤😤🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😡 I feel your frustration i hate when this happens 😠

  15. Paying for bread ?! Most family restaurants in America have free bread. Unless you're in a Mexican resturaunt, then you get free tortilla chips and salsa.

  16. I've never been to a British pub/restaurant that didn't have colouring paper at the front desk! I actually go and take the paper and crayons for myself even when there are no children in my group. Adults get bored too.

  17. I used to have an emergency backpack in the boot of the car, for the kids with books and coloring in books and fun activities. . Fast food places were the only time we ate out!!! I hear ya how to Dad . . Better luck next time 😊

  18. Ok, here's my gripe. This restaurant was under new management. My 6 year old nephew wanted pancakes. They didn't have the silver dollar size. He wanted blueberries on them but the owner wouldn't half the order so I ended up paying for 4 big pancakes with a bunch of blueberries on them and I know the waitress thinks she is being nice to him by turning the cartoons on for him to watch but when they do, I have a terrible time getting him to leave.

  19. I think you went to the wrong restaurant for your needs. Finding the flavour that fits your needs as a family is very much trial and error. That being said, please understand that the industry does their best to accommodate you and yours with the means that are available to them per location.

  20. I hate when they set anything in front of the kids… Breakable plates (or hot ones), sticky or semi-liquid foods they can get their hands on & spread everywhere in seconds, sharp utensils (like knives) 🙄

  21. I agree with you 100%. I dont think I ever took my kids to a sit-down restaurant. Mcdonalds is a sit down place, but you know what i mean!! We stuck to the fast food places!!

  22. Amen, brother. And the other thing about bringing the kid's food first is that they wolf it down in 7 seconds and then they're good to go again. So now you've gotta choke down your dinner, while at the same time wrangling a freshly refueled chaos engine.

  23. Don't ask about dessert. Hell no we don't want your overpriced desserts, especially when we have to have the kids in the car for another hour.

  24. Don't give me an evil look when I let my kid feed herself. I know she's one and will make a mess. I'm sorry, but that's your job to clean it up with that little swiffer thing. I tip extra for it if you smile at her instead.

  25. I used to work in a restaurant that had a supervised playroom so they would bring the kids their food, they would eat, then they would be brought to the playroom for an hour and a half so the parents could actually enjoy their food. I don't know why more places don't do this.

  26. Top one
    Take children to mcdondals and Burger King where they actually welcome young families
    Don’t bring your young children to an adult restaurant setting and expect us to change our entire restaurant to suit our self centred needs

    I work in a mature pub and nothing is more annoying than a young family expecting us to be like mcds
    If you want mcds you should have gone there instead!

  27. Aussie here, Tasmanian to be precise, and I've never had free bread. The water is only free if it's from the tap.
    We only eat out if the higher income relations decide to go for a birthday/special day celebration.
    We normally get hot chips and eat in the car if we're away from home at meal time. 👍🏻

  28. And another thing! Please either have towels or hand towels in the bathroom. After a meal I like to wash my hands and face like a civilized hygienic person. Without paper towels how am I suppose to dry my face!? A hand dryer might seem like a good idea but people use the bathroom for all sorts of stuff. It's not just a piss and poop and wash your hands, it's our faces too!!

  29. Oh my gosh, too funny! Thankfully for me those days are over, though my 24 year-old still talks with her mouth full and sits cross-legged at the table. Oh well, some things you just have to let go. Do your best, and you'll get through it with basically good kids in the end. I found your channel through my Aussie friend who said you were hilarious. She gave a shoutout to your channel on my latest video and I linked it at minute 5:48. Check it out if you have time. Cheers!

  30. Though working as a server in the past I can say that some parents are just so irritating, when I worked at Denny's every third table with kids would keep me at the table for 7-10 minutes because they "want to order right away" but also want their 4 y toddler to pick what they want to eat form the selection of 12 kids meal combinations. Really, if you want a 4 y old to pick anything it is never going to be "right away", it is going to be at least 10 min and the kid will have a tantrum when server gets the meal to the table because they changed their mind already three times since the order was punched in.

  31. Next up the how to dad restaurant review system: 1 to 5 thumbs up.. 5 thumbs up for an awesomly dad approved restaurant.. A thumbs down for bad rep.

  32. Good freestyle. Fair points.
    Start the campaign that all restaurants have a colour pencil and paper for each kid, and any adult that wants one as well

  33. As a server I appreciate you knowing your order ahead of time!! And please…. like, we know it’s learning for them and cute but if the restaurant is busy please don’t make your kid order for themselves. If it’s slow I’ll talk to the kids all day!

  34. If you're ever in Wellington (during the day), the Picnic Cafe at the Botanical Garden rose garden is very good about children. They have a big stash of drawing paper and pens, and a kids menu with a range of things in it, and they'll hustle the kids' food out first (without taking 40 minutes to do the grown ups). Oh, and plastic cups, which aren't fancy, but you're not worrying about stuff breaking, either.

  35. We went to a restaurant where the tablecloth was paper and they provided colouring pencils so we could draw all over the table… all of us are in our teens but it still provides great entertainment

  36. You could always be prepared and take some things with you instead of expecting every restaurant to have things already in place. If it only costs about 4c it can’t be that hard right?

  37. You completely sidestepped the minefield of deserts. We are all full of bread and the main – "Would you like the desert menu". We are all full and feeling a bit sick – hometime – but NOOOOOOO!!! the wait staff have put out there the lure of Ice cream sundae's, chocolate brownies or cheese cake. The whole ordering palava has to be undergone again, with enough cream and sugar to enable the kids to throw up on the way home, or even better when we are home and getting ready for bed – and we have to shower them, us and change bed sheets etc…..

  38. Totally Agree we are totally over restaurants! Pay through the nose for something you could cook better with hands behind backs! How about ordering the food and have a picnic at home with the kids! So much more relaxed and no dishes…win win!!

  39. My sister and I used to take our plastic briefcase (yes a briefcase 😂) with colouring books, pencils, uno cards maybe our gameboy with us everytime we'd go for a long family meal and we'd be very well behaved haha

  40. Sooo true! Best waiter fail so far in 11 years of parenting has been when the waiter puts an ALIGHT candle on the table within grabbing reach of a 2 year old! Second pet peeve is when you get the kids colouring bits (yay!) but all the kids get to colour with is three chunky blunt crayons – orange, black and brown – to be shared between 2 kids (booo!) 🙄

  41. As a server I'm really sad we don't have crayons or anything. And I genuinely want families to have a great experience. I love it when families come in.

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