Inside Amy Schumer – Pretentious Hotel

Inside Amy Schumer – Pretentious Hotel


Welcome to the U. I would love so much
to help you today. I’m checking in. That would be
my great pleasure. May I offer you a kumquat
and elderflower julep? Yeah.
Thank you. No, thankyou,
really. This is a lot nicer than
the hotels I usually stay at. I’m just in town for work
for the night. Oh, I’m so happy you felt
comfortable enough to share that with me. What name would
the reservation be under? Amy Schumer. Of course.
Perfect. My parents
almost named me Amy, but I didn’t deserve it. (gasps) You picked
a great weekend to be here. Willow Nolte is guest dee-jaying
in the lobby tonight. Nick Nolte’s stepdaughter. Wow. Here’s your room key. Check-out is at 11:00, and now I’ll show you
to your room. You’re an angel
and it’s my great honor to breathe the same air
as you. Now, this is Soak,
our pool experience. Over here, we have Splay,
our lounge area. Oh, no. Oh, I would have
had more of that. And right here is Soar, which will take us
to your room. Oh, I love your shoes. Everything about you
is just so on point. Thank you. I love rolling
this bag around. ‘Cause it’s yours. Welcome home. This is huge. You could fit
three people in here. This is too fancy
for me. No, don’t say that.
No. This is all about you. You deserve this. You make Kate Middleton look
like a mental patient (bleep) herself
in a rusty wheelchair. Right this way. All of our water is pumped in
from virginal koi ponds where two beautiful
swans are making love for the first time. Our ceramic sustainable
infinity toilet has an orgasm
every time you flush. (toilet)
Oh, yes!
I never have to fake it
with you, Amy.
You look radiant. Take a look at yourself
in the mirror. See what I see. Wait, why is it– Why aren’tyou
in the mirror? Oh, it doesn’t reflect
the staff. We’re nothing.
I’m (bleep). Look at me running my mouth off
like a stupid dumb bitch. Anyway,
you must be exhausted. I’ll leave you alone. Okay. ♪ (sighs) Hello, angel.
Oh, my God. Can I tuck you in? Uh, you don’t have to– Oh, I want to. Oh. Now, would you like
to be awakened by a soft kiss on the cheek or
a stranger going down on you? Oh,
I don’t kn– know. I guess the latter? Okay, we can just feel it
out in the moment then. Is there anything else
I can do for you? Anything? Um, well, I hate to ask, but I usually sleep with
a white noise machine– Shh… I really prefer– Whale noises? That’s my specialty. (imitates whale) We have standards, guys.
What do we serve stuff in?Glassware, correct?Wouldn’t it be better
to serve–
No red cups, come on!
(knock on door) (woman)
Housekeeping. I’ll be out
in a minute! Chop, chop! (man on TV)
So what’s going on
in the bar right now?
Are they out of glassware?(sighs)
Good morning. Late check-out? Is it? It’s after 11:00. I’m going to have to
charge you for another day. It’s like five after. Should I just leave that
all on the Visa? It’s me. All on the Visa,
ma’am? Yeah, I guess– This woman is no longer
a guest at the hotel. She’s done.
She’s done talking to you. This way, ma’am.
She’s done. Oh, no, no, I think she
just didn’t recognize me. Wait, let me just… Hi, I’m checking in. Ooh, I love
that scarf. Is that Egyptian silk? Everything about you
is just so on point. Wait, it’s me!
It’s me!

100 thoughts on “Inside Amy Schumer – Pretentious Hotel

  1. am i the only one who thinks that a toilet that says how great it is to dump in it is kind of creepy?i mean it sounds almost like people who are into scat porn.

  2. LOL Hillarious, in the beginning I was like I wish people talked to me like that an then at the end I was like: my life.

  3. MY COURT APPOINTED ATTORNEY / PUBLIC DEFENDER – YOU READ THAT CORRECT: PARANOID NOW? – TOLD THE JUDGE THEY PUT ME UP IN A FLOP HOUSE (BUFFALO HOTEL). THE BUFFALO POLICE OFFICER THOUGHT HE WAS Gen PATTON WITH A BADGE, EVEN ACCUSED ME OF "HARASSING THE WATER". I DROPPED SHIPPED A "EROTIC LOVE PIGGY" TO POLICE DEPT A NOT LONG AGO. DR REITMAN DIAGNOSED ME AS "FIXATED ON WOMAN"

  4. "Why aren't you in the mirror?" "Oh it doesn't reflect the staff. We're nothing. I'm shit."
    As someone who works in a hotel this is unbelievably accurate.

  5. LMAO I just only now noticed at 0:29 she glances around to see if anyone recognized the name and is disappointed haha, these little things everywhere.

  6. My god! To the writers of this show; you sirs/&/maams are absolute geniuses! This series is addictive. I remember it being the afternoon when I'd clicked on the first, it's night now 😐

  7. "All of our water here are from viriginal koi ponds where two beautiful swans are making love for the first time" LMAOO

  8. I think this is a reflection of what hollywood is like..one day you're in and hot ..and the next day you're out and not! So sad!😞

  9. The only time I spend money on a hotel is when I'm gonna get laid.. it's mainly for the girl cause girls are feely touchy about their surroundings.. otherwise I, and I think most guys, feel like they've wasted their money if they stay at a nice hotel by themselves. Just give me a bed and a bathroom, I don't care about the rest.

  10. S T O P. RA P E I N G. B a B I E S
    …silly ass / sweet / i bet good gor you // / you're just talking as i tslk. Huh / / thats hillarious / ….oh wow

  11. Uhm, I’d be like, “if you’re charging me for another day then shouldn’t you be kissing my behind still?” 😅 After that bouncer dude threw Amy out she pulls out her phone…*Ring Ring* Hello, Visa? I’d like to report suspicious activity from some strange hotel I’ve never heard of. My card must’ve been stolen Can you reverse the charges? Thanks.” 😉

  12. Another Schumer joke theft. She extrapolated this from a joke on Peep Show series 1, episode 4 (Mark Makes a Friend, 2003): "Checking into the hotel, it's all 'Can we get you fresh…whatever.' But when you're on the way out, suddenly it's all 'One of you is liable for the cashew nuts.'"

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